Volume 6, Number 12, January 2008

Quote From Moshe: “In the present century the younger generations have liberated themselves from the conventions of their predecessors in the field of morals, sex and aesthetics…in [these] aspects of life they are either in open rebellion or simple confusion. Increase of awareness will help them to find a way out of confusion and free their energies for creative work.” Awareness Through Movement, p. 173

The Best Way Out

Let’s say someone just broke up with you. What’s the one thing they’re most likely to say?

“I want us to stay friends.”

Of course, that isn’t going to happen. It never does. What ends up happening instead is the two of you hate each other for a while and then either move on or become friends later. But the hate-part is bound to happen. The deeper the connection between you and the person you’re breaking up with, the more profound the hatred is likely to be.

What does this have to do with Feldenkrais???

Let’s say you’re having problems with your lower back. Your idea of getting better is to stay exactly the way you are now, except with your back not hurting anymore. In other words, “I want to break up with my back, but I want us to stay friends.”

Why do you think so many people fail to make significant changes in their lives? Why do you think they make profound New Years’ Resolutions, and then fail to keep them? The answer, quite simply, is that they don’t understand that the best way out is through. Have you ever heard that saying?

If you’re in a situation where you’re experiencing some low level chronic unpleasantness, like a job you hate or a relationship that traps you, you’re probably staying in it because you fear the consequences of change. The changes you make to get out of the job or relationship will take you into much scarier waters, maybe greater pain and uncertainty.

A lot of people try to get out of these situations by the back door, avoiding the serious confrontation that will truly clear their palate. They want to “stay friends” with their job or relationship. What often ends up happening, though, is that they move into an identical situation, a job equally stupid or a relationship equally damaging, precisely because they wouldn’t go the scary direction.

“The best way out is through” means that the best way to get out of a difficult situation is to go through the trouble that it might cause you, to face the consequences and deal with them. Not only is this usually the quickest way to move into something better, it’s also inevitably the cleanest.

But what does this have to do with Feldenkrais?

A lot of people find the Method intimidating. Some people have a lesson and are very disconcerted by what the results. They get up from the table feeling so different from what they are used to, and they don’t like it. Some people even miss the pain they thought they were trying to get away from. In the end, they may go back to a previous organization even if it means pain because it’s familiar and feels safe. It may not be safe, but it feels safe.

The fact is, any correction will feel like an error in the opposite direction. When you stand in a way that is structurally more sensible, you may find yourself hearing the voices in your head that were with you when you first stood that way, the voices you heard as a happier child, that might have told you, “Stop slouching.” “Don’t be so proud.” “You’re funny looking.”

As children we may not be capable of dealing emotionally with the pain of that kind of abuse, so we deal with it physically. As flexible, easily programmed children, we make changes in ourselves that will hopefully satisfy our worst critics. Then we embody the criticism so we’ll never go back to the pain.

But a Feldenkrais lesson puts all that into question. It asks us once again to consider whether the way we are standing makes sense. It gives back to us all the sensation we cut ourselves off from. The results can be terrifying, but through it all, Feldenkrais practitioners do their best to remind us not to push, not to go into the pain, to stop well-before the trouble starts. All that’s necessary is that we go in the right direction and pay attention.

Many people don’t even want to begin this process. They want to get “fixed” without looking at these things, not realizing that their problem stems from not looking. In order to feel differently, they must become different people. In order to live a truly functional life, we must be constantly living in our experience, examining our fundamental assumptions, breaking our rules.

It seems like such a hard way to live, but it really isn’t harder than the way we were already living. Familiarity is the only difference. The results of greater mindfulness, of a certain kind of bravery, are a better appreciation for the world, for our relationships, and for our bodies. We can get away from demonizing and blaming, hating and fearing, and come closer to something we hoped was true about ourselves but never dared to believe.

All it takes is that step towards “through.” Remember that, next time you have a lesson.